in the arms of angels

to me, you still are the image of resilience and of fight, of gentleness and of sacrifice. it breaks my heart to see you like this, how everyday you seem to be fading further and further away and yet still trying to cling on as hard as you can to whom you love the most. i see your struggles, i try my best to understand what you're going through and how i wish that i never had to experience anything like this ever again. when i see how hard you strive to function normally i still don't know if i should let you retain your dignity or risk insulting or shaming you by underestimating your independence. i want what is best for you but i ache at the thought of knowing that what might be best for you may not the outcome that i had hoped for. and what hurts the most is the thought of all the things i want you to experience that you're now never going to and how soon who you are will just be in our thoughts and in old pictures.

i always knew this day would come but i am still overwhelmed by how unprepared i am to let go.