rehab

1.
one of the wisest things i have ever said:

'skinny people don't know the agony of being fat. skinny people think they want to be fat, but it's not true. skinny people just want to put on weight, not be fat.'

so you skinny people don't ever say we fat people don't know the agony of being skinny. hmph.

2.
i realize that sometimes my pms can get quite bad. last month, i remember crying in the shower about being neglected and alone and i went and did a few crazy things. *sigh* hormones.

3.
i also realize that i've begun to treasure my sleep more and more. i've been trying to sleep before 11pm these past few days and really, it's made me so so happy to have been able to sleep earlier. so writing this as of now, i'm arranging the rest of my chores for the night to make sure i can be in bed by 10.30. ah the pleasures of sleeping.

4.
i feel like i have issues with a lot of my teachers in Upper 6. my mom thinks that i am the problem and my dad tells me to be grateful that at least i can spot these snarky characters which we call my teachers.

5.
what did you do for earth hour? i spent it playing lanterns at jamie's house.
and... i am horribly horribly disappointed to say that Malaysians are such an uncooperative, selfish, lazy, arrogant lot. whilst at jamie's, i noticed only 1 house that switched off their lights for that hour. 1 house! apart from jamie's lah, that is. hmph. malaysians are idiots.




p/s: in light of recent events, adrian yeong weng kay demands that i put up a more yeng picture of him because he thought the previous picture did him no justice. thus, here is another adrian yeong weng kay.

he said he wanted a picture like those of models.

pp/s: i is a-going to Parliament on thursday. i would like to show you what parliament looks like but they strictly ban picture-taking in the parliament building. i will, however, intricately describe it if you want me to.

i should get paid for this

this is your life.
are you who you want to be?

it may just be a line in a switchfoot song, but it always rang hard for me.

when i was younger, i had all these fabulous ideas about what my life was going to be like. some were cute, some were childish, some downright impossible and some were just plain idealistic. i got easily excited at the unknown prospects that my future life would bring. other people had all these hopes and dreams about the person that i could become and i readily anticipated that image that i thought i would eventually become.

but then as i got older, i realized that everything didn't seem so perfectly lined up. and all my childhood dreams only ended up as dreams and not possibilities. all i wanted to do and be didn't seem to be so achievable anymore. i discovered obstacles, challenges, difficulties.

now at 19, sometimes i do get disillusioned. i feel cynical about my childhood dreams and remind myself not to daydream about what things could be and focus instead on the things that are. i get really skeptical when i remember all those things that people had hoped i would be because the person i was definitely didn't help the person i wanted to be.

this is your life.
are you who you want to be?

i realized though that life is what you make of it. you determine the person that you want to be. and even more so believing in a God who has the best fit of the person that i would become, it turns all the more real that we can become independent of our circumstances, failures and obstacles. not to say those things don't influence anything -they do- but they don't determine how your life will turn out. you are born with your personality, your gifts, your inclinations, your flaws, your vices, your idiosyncrasies. there is a destiny meant for you alone out there.

at 19, i think it's time i achieved mine.

this is your life.
and you can and will be the person that you want to be.



p/s: i'd like to say that this was written in a moment of weakness. if i can feel this encouraged on a bad day, imagine what YOU can do on a good day.

pp/s: hmm i'm usually not this motivational.

ppp/s: i'm sorry to diana and james and jowin and all others whom i promised i would be at futsal. but things happened. if you all don't scold me on monday, i will belanja you all nasi lemak biasa + no extra egg + no extra chicken.

because i promised him that i would?

in the name of all things unholy,
let me introduce to you

adrian yeong weng kay.

he says that i need to make him famous because he so very graciously brought me to sungei wang and got me my very absolutely delayed christmas/birthdays gifts since two years ago.

he also says that he is very uber talented and that i am missing out on something because i have never seen him play a bass guitar before. (btw, he also plays acoustic and drums)

he's very incredibly emo. like, worse than a girl type mood swings. and even though he looks very aloof and distant and/or blur all the time, he actually holds certain things very close to his heart.

he thinks he looks like a korean superstar. he's very proud of his korean-like features. which suits him cos he likes korean chicks. (the only thing that gives him away about him not being korean is the fact that his skin is so tanned)

he also says that he wants to be like my dad, an audio engineer. but because his mom says that there is no future in audio engineering in malaysia, therefore he is now doing some sort of engineering at inti college. (if you want to stalk him)

and -this is top secret- he is a very very good poet. really! he writes like really good personal but non-mushy and non-jiwang expressive poems about/to his previous girlfriend(s). i've read some of his poems and they are the kind of stuff that i wish i could write.

but his best skill and most precious talent is not his musical inclination. no. his most prized skill is the fact that he KNOWS who is checking him out. like when he's at the mall or in restaurants or whatever, he can skulk out which girl (or guy) is checking him out.


there you go. that's my friend adrian yeong weng kay.
btw, his birthday's on the 11th of april - and it's approaching!

p/s: if you know of any hot chicks (preferably korean) that you think could match up well with an adrian yeong weng kay, you can ask me for his number.

pp/s: yah. good friends are willing to go all the way to kl for a bag. good friends are willing to shamelessly write advertorials for afore-mentioned good friends.

you got me like a loaded gun

the reason why this space has not been updated since last tuesday is because i challenged myself to give up my most addictive media for 7 days.

therefore, i have given myself 7 complete days off from the internet.
and i declare my boycott successful (:


that is why i haven't been updating.

as for why i am not updating it now, that is because i am incredibly tired from school and i want to go and sleep for a while. hooray for me understanding econs. gnite now.



p/s: today the girls in my class found some measuring tape and took our body measurements.

but you were everything to me

okay i know this is dead space.
this is what we call writer's block.


yes i went for bomba camp for saturday through monday, and missed one weekend of church because of it too. and i soooo didn't think that camp was worth missing two church services. (sigh i am so churchy - shut up adrian yeong)

for all the things that were wrong about/during the camp - omg where do i begin?

i. insect-infested dorms
i'm used to sleeping in dorms, with up to 20 girls. but when there are ants, cockroaches and other unidentifiable six-legged winged bugs constantly crawling on walls and floors and windows of the dorm, you KNOW something is definitely not right.

ii. bathrooms unworthy to be called bathrooms
heh. toilets are just ceramic holes in the floors and get this, there is no flush. pearly, did you hear me??? NO FLUSH. that is just plain disgusting okay. some of the girls (me included) decided not to shit in that toilet. so ya i held my shit in for 3 whole days. guess what was the first thing i did when i came home. i won't give you 1 buck if you get it right.

and no cubicles for showering. you just scoop the water from a communal water tank and bathe like that. yes, my first ever public bathing experience at 19. imagine a bunch of girls in their bras and undies washing hair together. that is something to remember.

iii. food unworthy to be called food
okay i'm not so picky about food. as long as it's not gross and smelly and something i don't like, i'm fine. but ahhhh they don't provide spoons. for the first meal, they just gave us disposable plastic spoons and expect us to wash the spoons and reuse them.

and there was a dustbin where you throw all your unfinished food in - and they rarely cleared that dustbin. meaning to say, while you're eating your dinner, you can still smell the stench of the rotting remains of your breakfast. unhygienic much?

oh oh and there was no water to refill your water bottle. you had to buy mineral water from the canteen. such a con!

iv. and then there was occasionally no electricity because management was trying to cut cost.

v. unfit facilities
to get from the dorms to the dining/lecture hall, you have to cross a river. to cross that river, you have to use a bridge. only thing is that the bridge is 12inch-wide planks of wood nailed to two rotted logs dragged across the river. everytime i walked over it (which was ALOT OF TIMES), i always felt that i was going to slip and fall and knock my head against the rocks and die. yeeeeee.

now i'm not a high maintenance type of person. i can live with communal showering and 20 girls per room type of sleeping arrangements. heck i can live with crappy food for 3 days. but if you ask me to have to pay RM144 to experience ancient minimalistic facilities, i'd be a liiiiiitttle suspicious about where my money is all going. i mean, i pay RM160 for youth camp and i can get a dorm with air-cond and a working flush.

that campsite management is trying to con me. hmph.


yes there were fun parts to like communal bathing in your bra and undies with your friends and climbing steep mountains through dense forests in the rain and hmm walking on a deserted highway in the night with nothing but a guitar and torchlights. and making new friends. and doing some charity for the mosquitoes.

ooh yes. bomba camp. now i can get an A on my co-curricular report card.




p/s: i am not high maintenance. proof: i brought shampoo, body shampoo, facial cleaner, my toothbrush, insect repellant, emergency lip balm and panadol. the other girls brought shampoo, conditioner, serum, body shampoo, moisturiser, toner, facial cleanser, body butter, hydrating sprays, perfume, powder, lip balm, sunblock, insect repellant, body mist, sunburn ointment and what other body care product you have. you can open a blardy pharmacy with the amount of products brought to the camp.

pp/s: leech bites acquired during camp: 0. mosquito bites acquired during camp: a gazillion.
no amount of repellant applied was sufficient to arm myself against those bloodthirsty monsters.

ppp/s: i made a cheesecake today.

i know that i've got issues

yeah.

p/s: my amat tersangat disayang gay best friend, ennie low justin, currently residing with the sheep in new zealand, called me on tuesday night (:

pp/s: i've been having a sucky week. or sucky two weeks, since last week was quite sucky too.

i never saw it coming

i believe in the theory of off days.

i believe that there are certain days where things just don't work out in your favour. and i believe that some people ought to be forgiven for their mistakes on their off days. and that you shouldn't scold people for their incompetencies on their off days. and instead of condemning their failures, you should make them feel better on their off days.

because nobody likes off days. days when it's raining heavily and there's a massive traffic jam and you're already late for class and some stupid bugger just HAS to park in your parking spot because they can't walk under the rain for a little bit.

you know, off days.

this is how i think off days happen:
in the example of the Olympic games, some of the athletes there are praying christians and the thing is, they're all athletes of different nationalities. so i wonder how does God answer each and every prayer of those athletes? takkan all of them also get gold medals right? so He has to grant favour to a certain few according to His sovereign wisdom and discernment.

same thing. sometimes, God has to listen to other people's prayers for a while and He allows some kind of struggles that are insignificant like those that you experience on off days.

ah off days.
i think i've been having an off week la.



i think it's one of the greatest issues of life whereupon we wonder if the things that we do are actually worthwhile. like how on the second weekend of march i have to go for this school camp thing. i have to go because it automatically gets me an A for my extracurricular certificate but i actually dread the whole idea of it. you start to wonder if an A for extracurricular activities is actually worth all the pre-camp dread and during-camp 'excitement'.

ah Form 6. i can't wait for you to end. i know a lot of people claim Form 6 to be fun, but really, i don't think it's for everybody. so fed up of high school systems.


*sigh* yes i'm very discouraged.