what you don't have you don't need it now

i don't intend to blog more than once or twice a week, but given that i'm feeling a little reflective and slightly -and i reinforce SLIGHTLY- relaxed and whimsical, i thought i'd say something. i know my posts get a little wordier every entry but i guess that may be a good thing considering that i'm actually blogging substantial stuff rather than pictures. not that pictures are bad anyway.

lately i've been feeling somewhat melancholic because -maybe it's the hormones- i feel lonely. in the single, unattached sense. i used to not mind the singleness even when i didn't have anybody to talk to, but i'm starting to feel the effects of not having that constant someone to talk to. and the people whom i would talk to everyday have their own people to talk to now and i don't really feel like sharing or being needy.

perhaps it's because at this age, most people i know have started pairing up, whether officially or unofficially. i don't feel left out. i feel left alone.

anyhows, i try not to let it get to me that much. and with that, let me present to you
my Minser+Jenling Theory.



don't fret. i'll explain.

Minser was one of the youth leaders in my church. he was God-fearing, smart, talented, caring, gentle and ambitious without being pushy. he was one of the best examples of real Christians.
in november last year, he married Jenling.

so, i believe that God doesn't give bad things to good people. therefore, giving Jenling to Minser must mean that she too must be equally as good or as worth as Minser. she too is smart, talented, gentle and all the good things that we hope for in our life partner.

therefore, in order to deserve a Minser, you have to be a Jenling. you can't sit around not improving yourself while hoping that somebody will come and love you for yourself while you are not even worth taking the time to get to know and love.

so girls and guys looking for a companion, take a look at yourself and see if you are a Minser before you start wondering where is your Jenling.



p/s: exams have been postponed to a week later (:

pp/s: i can't wait for exams to be over.

take a bow

danielle snapped this last sunday (:
this is jayden, my self-declared godnephew of 6 months, caught in mid yawn.
yes i want baby.

anyways,
MUET exams - suck. suck so bad. they suck worse than a straw. or a vacuum cleaner. exams suck so bad that i won't even talk about them.

i'll wait for it to come

there are a few things in life which you must be:
one of which is bold and the other, independent.

boldness.
i realized that you cannot live your life in fear. fear of bad things happening to you, fear of what people might say or think, fear of failure and of unaccomplished dreams. you cannot let the days of your life pass you by simply because you think it's better being safe than discovering the unknown. that is not to say you live your life in reckless abandonment, because boldness is not recklessness. it's not about not being afraid of anything or thinking that you're invincible, it's recognizing your vulnerability but trusting God as well as the capabilities that He has given you to venture out into deeper waters. you cannot be scared of everything all the time!

independence.
i seriously think this is one of those things which is necessary if you want to get ahead. it's not about being individualistic or selfish, it's merely doing things for yourself without relying on someone else. it's about learning new skills and developing disciplinary habits and becoming mature so that your success will never be controlled by someone else. that's not to say you ignore and climb over everyone around you. love them, expose your humanness, treat them well, become co-dependent even - but never ever expect someone else to do for you the things which you can do for yourself.


*sigh* do i sound like some very cold, heartless dominatrix-type person?
ah well, you know what i mean.



p/s: i went to the 3k online shop bazaar. the stuff there is seriously quite worth your consideration. think i'm going to try to stop shopping compulsively and hold out for bazaars and clearance sales like these. dresses for RM20 man. you don't want meh?

pp/s: lim diana has a bunch of clothes that she wants me to help her sell so i will take pictures of them soon and post them up here. soon.

ppp/s: i think studying can be quite fulfilling.

you know the way i mean

'trying' is the word.

'trying' the adjective, not 'trying' the verb.
i find that for the next couple of weeks, circumstances have set themselves up to be trying.
'trying' the adjective is not the same as 'trying' the verb. the former means testy, potentially defeating while the latter means a set of actions projected in hopes to fulfill a certain desire.

for the next couple of weeks, circumstances have set themselves up to be testy, potentially defeating. *sigh* but i will try not to be defeated.

somehow, i think that exams mean more to form6 students than they mean to other students of other choice of pre-university education. exams are literally battles we engage in, tirelessly fighting against fatigue and discouragement as well as endless syllabus of tested subjects.

it's going to be a trying couple of weeks, having to balance and divide enough time for each aspect of my life. exams are in slightly less than a month's time, MUET exams will be taken and finished within 2 or 3 weeks more, Production House errands due within the same few weeks, Form 6 society duties to be served as well as personal trials to overcome. plus all the other things like assignments, though irrelevant, have to be completed.

'trying' the adjective, i find, is the most apt word.

still,
'But may the God of all grace, who called us to His eternal glory, after we have suffered a while, perfect, establish, strengthen and settle you'. 1 Peter 5:10



p/s: i may be the only one, but i think my physical location actually does determine my propensity to study. my house, i find, is no longer a conducive place to hit the books, hence the drop in the rate of productivity of actual studying. henceforth, i am looking for new locations to solve my studying issues. don't tell me that my not being able to study is in my mind.

pp/s: i don't wish for more hours in a day. i wish for less stupid time-occupying things to do.

DON'T SAY I NEVER MENGFAMOUSKAN YOU.

le sigh.

happy 19th birthday, adrian yeong weng kay.

though i am utterly disappointed that you called my cheesecake a pudding wth,
you're still (quite) a good friend. and your random text messages are quite funny.
and how you claim to want to whack fellers who call me fat is also quite lame in a good way.
and you were willing to go all the way to sg.wang for my bag.

but you still called my cheesecake a pudding and declined my invitation to Easter.


not my fault you don't have nice pictures. or maybe it's you that is fp.



see, don't say i never mengfamouskan you.

hmph. pudding indeed.

p/s: amat sangat mengdisappointingkan, adrian yeong.


*edit: pudding texture is mushy, not bouncy.

all that You are

remember how i said that i thought i might have misplaced my camera?
it turns out that my sister songlap-ed it from my bag. she's had it all along!
and here i was freaking out that i may have lost a thousand-ringgit something. tsk.

anyways,
a few happenings

#1 bomba camp.
i wanted to show you my horrible living conditions, but apparently i didn't take enough pictures. or rather, i didn't take the right pictures. hmm.

james moving into the picture at the last minute (:

when the picture was taken, we were waiting for dinner so we sat around with the guitar singing taylor swift's 'love story' again and again.

#2 Earth Houri found another way to pollute the environment.

what i did sempena Earth Hour.
picture courtesy of kar kien foo with my camera because he forgot to bring his SD card for his dSLR. again.

#3 parliament trip'i doe wannnn...'

well as afore-mentioned, no cameras were allowed inside the parliament building. so actual pictures of parliament don't exist. when this picture was taken, it was just after lunch (not at parliament lah) and we were waiting for the bus to come. diana was force-feeding me guava.

'mahathir itu kawan baik saya. hari itu saya pergi rumah dia.'

this was at seri perdana, mahathir's former house.
james beria-ia want to take photo with the prime minister's car.
james, you can steal the picture if you want (:

l-r: diyana, su-ann, diana and fei

at the planetarium. i tell you, it's so not worth going to lah. it wasn't a planetarium. more like a space center where almost every wall had a picture of our angkasawan. the only cool thing about it was the 3D theatre.


i thought i had more and nicer pictures, padahal i is a lazy photographer.




p/s: i realized right, that all the people who have significant others, even the people who have people whom they sms/talk to daily, don't upload their blogs. case in point: diana lim, paul leong, natalie ng, sara lau. the only person who breaks that trend is james lim (:

pp/s: for those who watch American Idol, i am so glad that scott is out. the only reason why he was there in the first place is because he was partially blind and it was a good marketing ploy. i say the next person to exit will be anoop. if you're in the US, please vote for danny gokey and matt giraud. as for adam lambert, i try to like him but he creeps me out.

ppp/s: happy Good Friday (:

From heaven you came helpless babe Entered our world, your glory veiled Not to be served, but to serve And give your life, that we might live This is our God, He calls us now to follow him To bring our lives as daily offering Of worship to the Servant King Come see his hands and his feet The scars that speak of sacrifice Hands that flung stars into space To cruel nails surrendered This is our God, the Servant King He calls us now to follow him To bring our lives as daily offering Of worship to the Servant King

i'm still a soldier

anybody gets fed up if everything they say or do gets misinterpreted and taken in the worst possible way.
just stop listening to what i'm not saying.

if you could only say

ladies and gentlemen,

i know my frequency and quality of blogging has decreased by several hundred percent in the past couple of weeks but do not despair for me - that means i am doing some other worthwhile productive thing with my time like studying, actually doing homework *gasp* and sleeping earlier.

anyways,
bliss is ignorance right? right now, i would supposedly be uploading camera pictures but i can't find the camera. i have told myself that it's not lost, it's just misplaced and when i do look for it, i will find it. i have asked my sister where it is, but she too does not know. i have yet to actually search for it properly because i like living in denial, that my camera may just be misplaced. cos if i look for it properly and i don't find it, i will have to face the reality that it has gone missing. along with all my pictures from the past couple of things that happen. yay kegembiraan.


anyways,
life lesson : everything in life has its pros and cons.
even the seemingly most ideal, most perfect solution has its own set of disadvantages. there is no such thing as win-win, God-related issue not included. we merely choose the answer with the least number or least significant cons to benefit the most number or most significant people.

therefore, when in a lousy place in life, look at the pros. look at all the good things that you have instead of all the sucky things you are going through. trust me, it makes you a happier person.

when in a good place in life, look at all the cons and be grateful that you have all these instead of all the things that could have possibly happen.


my dad just told me that he feels that his life is very rich. i asked him why. he said because he finds fulfillment in a lot of things. i asked him like what. he says like in music, in photography, in cars, in all his interests. harhar i hardly ever hear my dad talking about this sort of thing. and it was very random when it happened too. he was browsing online through a website selling water dispensers for his office. heheheh.

my camera gone means parliament trip pictures are gone too. please pray i find it when i start looking for it seriously. hopefully it's not lost on the bus or some sad case like that.

last friday, while going to print a few hundred copies of something, i went to pay for a parking ticket and when i put the parking ticket on the dashboard, i closed the door and left the keys hanging in the key slot on the door. for about an hour plus i was at the printers' which was far from the view of my car. when i was done, i couldn't find my keys, panicked and james, who was with me the whole time, found them hanging in the key slot. my car was fine. my God protects.



p/s: i'm doing all this stupid bimbo things. misplacing cameras, car keys - *sigh*

pp/s: exams are approaching. again. *sigh*

ppp/s: seafield's form6 society may be arranging another visit to parliament, to the Dewan Rakyat this time. if it all goes well, i might be seeing Karpal Singh and Lim Kit Siang and Teresa Kok in person in June (: